"The Whole Trump Thing" and "The Thing About Trump"



This essay makes some bold claims. All underlined claims are links that either elaborate on the point or provide evidence, but if you're only reading the summary you'll have to take my word for it.
- Trump is just a distraction
- Statistically speaking, all of us are most likely indoctrinated, including myself
- The mass indoctrination of Americans used to keep us in check primarily employs the natural human tendencies of groupthink and confirmation bias
- The idea that you aren't indoctrinated is a symptom of indoctrination
- The left's self-righteous attitude is condescending and hypocritical
- The fact that the left's behavior confirms Trump's narrative makes them ultimately responsible for his propaganda scheme being so effective
- Despite the problems with the left, Trump is authoritarian
- He's also very likely a Russian puppet
- I'm a god of insult comedy, but you're such a windowlicking fuckbucket you'll never read enough of the essay to know it


Alright, the first thing you need to know about me is this: I fuggin’ love pointless political debates on social media. The next thing you need to know is that even though this essay is *kind of* about Trump, ultimately Trump is a distraction, and this essay is about propaganda and brainwashing.

Read this essay from beginning to end looking for anything you can dispute, and then come at me with everything you’ve got. Just know I have a lot of pent-up rage, and to get to the real juicy shit, you’re gonna have to read a few pages of me ranting about how dumb the majority of people I encounter are.

The way I see it, you either understand why I’m pissed, or you’re the reason I'm pissed. Just look at the insults as a form of creative humor? It only applies to you if you apply it to yourself, so really if you take it personal, that’s on you.

- I don’t feel like wasting your precious attention span with stipulations, so here’s a general catch-all rule: If you use a strawman, if you say “Too long, didn’t read”,  if you attack stylistic choices like my cussing, if you resort to name-calling, if you misrepresent or outright deny facts, if you present false claims as if they’re irrefutable truth, if you treat subjective interpretations/unproven logical assertions/rhetorical speculation as objectively factual, if you present false equivalencies in the form of a hypothetical or an analogy, if you fail to state my argument back to me properly, if you misuse debate terminology like “gish gallop” or “ad hominem” to invalidate claims that don’t meet those term’s definitions, or otherwise fall into one of the many common logical pitfalls that mongoloids debating on FB/reddit always fall into, you’ve brought dishonor on your family and must commit ritual suicide as per the Bushido code.

Anything underlined is a link to the evidence supporting that claim or something that elaborates on the point.

Okay, let’s get to the arguing… right after I rant about how you’re brainwashed:

Right up front, I’m gonna say that no matter where you are on the political spectrum, you’ll find something in this essay to disagree with. Like I said, I love the arguing, and if I only piss off half of you I’m missing out on a lot of potentially pointless flame wars. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m an asshole with no clue what he’s talking about, but I’m a politically unbiased asshole with with no clue what he’s talking about..

I think the entire paradigm you shitwitted chimps use to process politics is an oversimplified, dysfunctional piece of hot toxic garbage that’s been brainwashed into you over the course of your entire life. I know what you mouthbreathing potatoes thought just now, no matter which side of the argument you’re on:

“Obviously, he isn't talking to me. I’m one of the last freethinkers alive! I’m fighting alongside this guy in his war against the Mainstream Media (MSM) propaganda machine! Down with <Snowflake/Nazi> scum!”
(“Hah… dude thinks he’s soooo smart. I didn’t think that at all!!!” said all the extra-indoctrinated to themselves in unison)

How did I know you thought that? Why it’s simple, friendo:
(Remember, the more paranoid and crazy this next line sounds, the more likely it is you’re brainwashed)

Making you have some form of that thought whenever you’re presented with the idea that you may be a drone is something required of all indoctrination. In order for you to stay brainwashed for any length of time, you need to reject the idea that you might be programmed without ever considering it seriously, because you’re confronted with that proposition in some way almost daily.

(“Lol… this dude’s double retarded for that one. Not only did I not think any of that, but his same logic applies to him too! He’s a mindless drone, and he can’t even see it!!!” said all the extra-indoctrinated in unison a second time, not realizing their thought patterns are essentially scripted)

How do I know this logic doesn’t apply to me, you ask?

Because I never allow myself to have that “LOL I’m not brainwashed” thought. I’m constantly analyzing my own thinking and criticizing myself *BEFORE* I turn my sights onto someone else. By doing that, I not only make sure my arguments are solid, but I also ensure I’m resistant to the power of confirmation bias and the propaganda that employs it. After a shitton of this self-applied scrutiny, I can say with confidence that *nowhere* across any form of media will you find my talking points or narratives published/broadcast by a for-profit outlet that’s intending to leverage their following to generate politically-oriented ad revenue. I not sure whether or not I’m brainwashed, and that’s why I’m sure I’m not brainwashed.

If you’re playing the odds, it’s almost certain you’re one of the indoctrinated. In order for the groupthink aspect of the brainwashing to work, the vast majority of the population needs to be brainwashed. I know that sounds paranoid, but ask yourself this question:

In a world where we know we’re being bombarded with subliminal suggestion and propaganda that’s embedded in all our cultural inputs, does it really seem paranoid to take mental steps to shield yourself from indoctrination and subliminal suggestion? The worst that can happen from constantly considering the idea and double-checking yourself is that you find out you really are brainwashed and break the indoctrination.
("But that would mean my entire world is a lie..." said all the extra-indoctrinated in unison as they were faced with the existential crisis this realization causes)

If you made it this far without going, “Well this dudes obviously a paranoid lunatic,” and checking out: Congratulations, you passed the test! You’re welcome for deprogramming you!

All I want in return is dank memes/nudes/cat pics/large sums of money paypal’ed to me directly.
(Preferably the money, nudes can be male or female. Strictly for blackmail/revenge porn purposes. I’ll definitely find a reason to laugh at your junk, though)

If you were already de-programmed and thus already aware of all those points, sorry for wastin’ your time. You understand why I had to do that before addressing Trump to the drones from either party though, don’t you?

Alright, let’s start the show: In my earliest political writings I thought the biggest thing that needed to change was that you semi-literate chimpanzees had to learn how to talk to each other with respect. What I’ve come to realize is that stage of the solution is actually phase two. The first step of the process is making all of you shitwits understand that you’re dumb as hell.

Most of the time when you party drones are hurling talking points back and forth, both sides of the argument are wrong in a way that makes me lose faith in humanity. Despite both sides completely missing the point and being way off target as far as a solution, they both stand steadfast and point the finger at the other side’s stupidity to shield themselves from looking at their own. You dumbasses go back and forth saying the dumbest shit, and neither side ever sees how fucktarded they look.

People use the most superficial, circular logic that completely misunderstands the issue they’re discussing, and any statements that resemble having substance are things they saw someone else say that appeared smart to them so they never questioned it.
(You look even dumber when you accuse someone vehemently anti-partisan like myself of being a member of your opposition party)

There’s some shit I’ve been wanting to say to every single party drone I’ve encountered in the time I’ve spent e-debating. Here’s where I’m gonna stop being nice and polite:
(Yes, that was all me being nice and polite)

To “The Left”: You gaping, bleeding vaginas live in a fucking fantasy world and are constantly at odds with your own double standards. Looking down from your ivory tower, attacking people unfairly based on race, and refusing to hear the other side’s argument is what makes Trump possible.

First of all, this idea you cooked up after hitting the bong a little too hard at a house party in college about how America should just withdraw all its forces then send the world chocolate bars and “I’m Sorry” Hallmark cards is delusional. Do you understand that all of Western Europe is depends on our military to keep Putin from steamrolling in and ripping up every national constitution on the continent? Yes, they do have their own military forces as well, but all of them combined don’t compare to ours. Guess what, being “Leader of the Free World” means defending the Free World. Sometimes, that means getting your hands dirty. This is a morally grey world we’ve been born into. We’re not perfect, but we’re still a free nation compared to our rivals in China and Russia.“

“But we’re hated!” Yeah we’re hated. One of the biggest reasons is because your golden boy Obama decided he wanted to rely almost exclusively on drone strikes that MISS THEIR TARGET AND HIT A CIVILIAN FOUR OUT OF FIVE TIMES. (I even used a hyper-liberal source for you braindead lemurs) The fact that you paintchugging pussies attempt to claim moral superiority when your ideological patron not only made that decision, but also stood by it, is fucking laughable.

How’d his immediate withdrawal from Iraq go, by the way? Oh, it resulted in a power vacuum that allowed a radical terrorist group to take control, declare themselves a caliphate, and then commit some of the most brutal genocides in the last century? Do you remember when fucking everybody and their mother tried telling you that’s what would happen if we just pulled out like that?
(Maybe if we’d just left a few more chocolate bars and a “Whoops, I’m Sorry” cards instead...)

“At least we’re the party of social justice, you racist sexist bigoted warmonger!”, you scream into your phone, trying desperately to rationalize how completely fucktarded your foreign policy is. What you don’t seem to grasp is that you are NOT the party of social justice at all.

You’re the party of social contrarianism. Whatever the status quo is, it’s wrong by virtue of the fact that it’s the status quo, and you'll disrupt it because you’re #theresistance. White privilege exists? Okay, better indiscriminately attack all white people and tell them they can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be discriminated against. Wanna know a secret you fuckin’ out-of-touch used tampons haven’t been clued in on just yet?

(“What a dummy! Black people can’t be racist!” I can just hear a bunch of retards shouting into their phone while Mommy puts on their thinking helmets)

I assure you, black people can be racist and many of them are. I grew up in a neighborhood where black people outnumbered white people. The only other white kids my age were my best friends because we had no other choice, and I’ve caught more asswhippings due to my skin color than most of the black people you encounter have.

Have I also received an enormous amount of privilege, such as easier job call backs, less scrutinizing interview processes, leniency from the legal system, and just all around better general treatment from the public at large? Yes, I definitely have and that’s fucked up. I do what I can to speak out against the problem and convince my friends who deny it that it exists. The fact that I still get called racist and sexist based entirely on my skin-color and gender despite constantly fighting for equality is kinda fucked up, too.

The fact that I’m on the receiving end of white privilege is not something I chose, it’s something I work to undo in any way I can, and I don’t deserve to be targeted for my skin color any more than anybody else does.

Somehow, you drooling short-bus kids got it in your head that White privilege+Male privilege+Straight privilege = “We need to attack and discriminate against all straight white males for the same superficial traits we claim nobody should ever be attacked and discriminated against for!”

For some reason, you dimwits don’t seem to understand that the supporting the Struggle for Equality means fighting for the equality of *everybody*. No exceptions. Fighting for the equality of *everybody except the demographic we’ve agreed isn’t equal* is the exact same system we have now with the target of the racial hatred changed.

Do you understand how fucking frustrating it is to be repeatedly called a racist for arguing in support of equality against a black dude who claims white people are an abomination made in a lab by the Devil?

***I do, because that scenario is actually extremely common. Let that sink in***

Yes, I understand minorities have it way worse in ways I can’t begin to fathom. That doesn’t give them a right to take part in the same shitty behavior for the same shitty reasons.

*Everybody should look at themselves for what they can change first, and look at what society needs to change dead last*

Here’s what’s most unbearable about the bleeding heart left though: The smug holier-than-thou attitude you pretentious pricks spew in every direction. While you’re claiming to be morally superior based on tolerance, you’re also demonizing an entire group of people based on race/gender/income in a complete contradiction to your ethos. Yeah, mid/upper class hyper-religious conservatives are pretty fucking unbearable. You fucks are pretty much exactly the same though.

This self-righteous “classy” image you dipshits have of yourselves that you think sets you a cut above and gives you the moral high ground? In reality, it’s hella narcissistic, self-important, and hypocritical. The moment Michelle Obama tried taking the high ground by going “We will not lower ourselves to their level by throwing insults!” she immediately ceded the high ground. By making that statement, she hurled an insult directly at Trump. She also hurled one at the American public by implying they’d be too stupid to realize that fact.
(Insulting your voter base, and your opponent while making a claim that you’re morally superior because you won’t hurl insults. That’s some hypocrisy Hall of Fame shit, ‘Chelle-bae!)

That hypocrisy is a huge part of Trump’s narrative, and by actively confirming it so consistently, you validate everything he’s saying. You accuse him of constantly lying, but your behavior gives credibility to his story. That means you’re ultimately the ones to blame for “The Whole Trump Thing”. You want him gone? Fix your-fuggin’-selves, and you might get your wish

To everyone on “The Right”:
How’d I do, muh dudes? Did I get ‘em? I’m pretty sure I covered everything pretty solidly. You’re probably gonna say some shit about economics, but I actually agree with them there, so let’s just put a pin in that for now.

I’m glad you agree with me, because the real reason I’m writing this essay is to blow down on you gullible, glue-huffing monkeys. How the fuck can you shitwits be so goddamn fucktardedly naive that you fall for Trump’s obvious bullshit?

I’m a narcissistic, pathological liar; that’s how I can say with confidence that Trump's behavior is no different from my normal line of deception. (I'm in reform these days; trust me, he isn't) He lies 70% of the time; yeah, every politician lies, but Trump lies twice as much. Saying, “I’m tired of politicians pandering to me,” and then electing Trump is like cutting your wrists because you can’t stand emo kids.
(Oh hey… there’s a joke from 2005 in this essay. Neato!)

"The Thing About Trump" is he’s clearly authoritarian. He may not have established an authoritarian regime that fits the definition I linked yet, but he clearly wants one.  He praises authoritarian dictators like Putin and Duterte.  He regularly calls factual reporting false news, and then uses that bullshit claim to undermine the first amendment. He equates not supporting him with treason. He claims to be “The Voice of the People”. I’m a part of the underrepresented demographic he claims to represent. He isn’t my voice, that’s for fuckin’ sure.


He’s highly xenophobic, and demonizes minorities. Guess what: Most Mexican immigrants aren’t rapists OR drug dealers! He’s very anti-intellectualism. It’s not just science denial either; he equates intellectualism to elitism. That’s some shit that anyone able to read this far into one of my essays should be worried about.  He’s hyper-militaristic, which on its own isn’t bad but in this context it is. He appoints based on loyalty rather than qualification. He fires people for disloyalty. All of these add up to more than just authoritarianism; it’s downright fascist.

He may very well be be a Russian puppet. Our intelligence community agrees that Russia interfered heavily in our election, yet Trump  acts like having law enforcement work to root out Russian corruption is just partisan bullshit. His campaign manager had to register as a foreign agent; so did his original National Security Advisor. I’m not saying Trump is 100% for sure a Russian puppet, but all of that is stuff I only expect from Russian puppets and not something I expect from true patriots.
(All of this was written before Helsinki, with the exception of connecting a link that came the day of the fiasco to already written text. It just so happened that the Carrot King knew I was writing this essay and wanted to hand me ammunition)

I swear to god if you try to debate this by saying Russia isn't as bad as people make them seem, I'll find a way to kick you  in the balls through the internet. Yes, Russia is as bad as people make them seem. Some of the shit brought up about socialism in the Cold War was false, but Putin assassinates journalists who speak out against him, jails people for inconsequential shit like being homosexual, and jails people for consequential shit like speaking out against him. The number one sign of a country is run by an authoritarian piece of shit is attacks on freedom of speech. I'm not even gonna go into their fucked up international moves, like annexing part of Ukraine, because I feel just those attacks on civil liberties are evidence that Russia is the ideological enemy of America.
(Protip: Freedom of speech is amazing. It needs to be protected)

Trickle-down economics is historically proven to work the opposite of how the theory predicts it will; money trickles up and debt explodes. Despite that, Trump pushes this stuff like it’s the Gospel. Fun fact: Reagan had to raise taxes against his will because trickle-down was so dysfunctional, and it still tripled the national debt.
(A fact Reagan called one of his biggest regrets)

I know fucktards think those claims are something brainwashed into people by leftist media, despite the fact that I just provided factual evidence supporting all of it. That’s the reason I say the left is ultimately responsible for Trump. They confirm part of his narrative, which people use to believe the entirety of his narrative. People believing that the fascist claims and obvious Russian influence are propaganda for the reasons they do is something brainwashed into them by Trump’s propaganda, though.
(I know you just denied the assertion that you’re brainwashed. Remember my little speech about how denying the brainwashing assertion outright is symptomatic of brainwashing?)

Actually, you know what, fuck parenthesized commentary. I'm going back to ranting about how dull-witted you gasoline-smoking drones need to be in order to believe these clown-shoes propaganda fairy-tales that get spewed from Fox News.
(aka the least reliable news outlet in since... shit... I can't even finish this joke because there's never been a less reliable news outlet...)

You realize there's tons and tons of independent fact-checking websites that pride themselves on neutrality, right?  Fox News is unanimously agreed to be the most highly partisan, unreliable news source out of any of the major networks. Their only rival is MSNBC on the left. CNN is *almost* as bad as those two are, but being as bad as Fox News is setting the shitty bar really goddamn high, so I'm not shocked they can't live up to that expectation. Getting pissed about about "Fake News" and then bitching about CNN while ignoring MSNBC and quoting Fox should be grounds for sterilization.
(For the sake of protecting the gene pool. People that completely tardified shouldn't be allowed to breed or imprint themselves on children)

What astounds me the most about the fucking hivemind mongoloids that form the base of both sides (and thus the majority of America) is that you morons seem completely unaware that confirmation bias exists and that all humans are susceptible to it. You dipshits never stop and think to yourself, "Wait a minute, what if I what I think is wrong?" No matter how much evidence you're presented with that proves you're undeniably incorrect, you just keep doing the most absurd mental gymnastics to try and be right at all costs. Do you realize how fucking stupid you look to any rational thinker when you'd rather twist words and play games with semantics than just admit "Oops... oh well, I made a mistake. I'm only human, ya know."

You fucking herpa-derp short-bus kids think that it's impossible for any rational thinker to disagree with you, and never once consider that fact that everybody's knowledge bases are inevitably riddled with errors, misinformation, and misunderstandings, including your own.

You realize when you're arguing on the internet, the whole world can see you making yourself look retarded, right? I can prove it by showing you what a fuckwit I used to be. I've been debating online since I was in middle school. (That's pre-9/11) Use the googler to try and track down e-debates of mine. I'm Dave Barletta on Facebook, my e-handle has almost always been "davesmack" for the last 20 years. I can't guarantee everyone you find using those names is me, but I'm willing to bet the most obliviously retarded examples are my monkey-fucked handiwork. That's how I know you dipshits are never questioning yourselves and thus not keeping yourselves open to changing situations. I used to do the exact same thing for most of my young adult life.
(The old "It takes one to know one" argument)

Seriously, both sides of this argument look so goddamn fucktarded to me. All of you are a bunch of plastic-smoking imbeciles. Think for your-fuggin’-selves. If you can’t do that, at least take your cues from someone who’s very smart. Someone like me, for example.

Alright. There you have it. Feel free to share any idiotic disputes that you want me to shred via the comment section below.

I’m what happens when you live by the motto ‘Live Fast, Die Young’ then you fuck up and survive
— An Antipartisan Idiot