The Third Party Conversation


The Third Party Conversation

We as a nation end up talking about the need for a third viable political party pretty regularly every election cycle… I love the idea but I never hear the conversation go any way other than:

“We definitely need a third party cause this no real options shit suuccckks…” ← This dude is right, and the few of us with enough experience following American politics to know what’s coming next brace ourselves for the trainwreck that this statement sets in motion…

You see, an American’s preferred style of political discussion is avoid knowing anything about anything then mindlessly repeat incorrect talking points they’ve heard a thousand other fucktards say confidently enough to sound smart.

A true political genius, well trained in this art, always belches:

“THIRD PARTY IS WASTED VOTE”, as quickly as possible in response.

This statement is false, but people thinking it makes it true.

We’re mentally put into crisis mode trying to figure out how someone got through life with no rational thought processes to see the mistake without evolving a different survival mechanism to make up for it.

Outta nowhere, one edgy memelord declares all out war on the concept of rational thought and says, “Voting is a waste of time 'cause our votes don’t count!”

That statement sends us into shock. Our minds are defenseless against  groupthink bombarding us with the same logical shitshow while we're still processing the initial blast. The unstoppable force behind this salvo of fucktardation always scores a direct hit, and it short circuits our brains so hard we’re driven to hard drugs and drinking.


This is the scientific community’s only explanation for why America runs on heroin, meth and whiskey. Don’t let Dunkin' Donuts fool you; "coffee" is just a codeword we use to fool the NSA supercomputer that scans all our texts.

Dave BarlettaComment