The Creature Called Fauxwoke


"The Creature Called Fauxwoke"

MUH DUDES!!! There’s something else I’ve learned of on my travels that you need to hear about:

A vile scourge made of pure hatred for knowledge and wisdom, “The Creature Called Fauxwoke”, has begun an assault on the internet!

The Dumbass Devil takes many forms, he can hide behind a mask of pseudointellectualism to superficially appear intelligent without saying anything of substance, or the beast can wear a cloak of new-agey pseudo-spirituality to convince people it's “woke” when really it's just spewing nonsense based on circular logic!

Fauxwoke has taken many forms and has been given many names throughout the ages, but its names are unimportant. The Moronic Miscreant is thousands of demons who’ve merged into the embodiment of pure, sheer, ignorance. Whenever you’ve met someone who took pride in belittling the pursuit of knowledge, that person was possessed by the Creature Called Fauxwoke.

I’ve encountered Fauxwoke during my travels all over the Facepage, I’m sure of it now! The vile abomination came in the form of “enlightened” travelers who insulted me for asking questions to improve my understanding, and I can see now that the Small Minded Spectre has taken many souls all over the intertubez!

Some things to remember about the the Fool Who Spews Falsehoods:

The villain relies on a system of buzzwords and cliches in order to destroy details. The ghoul HATES nuance. It reduces all things to petty stereotypes to avoid thinking, and paints life in simple black and white terms. Whenever you see someone speaking in absolutes in order to make themselves seem superior, that’s the Creature Called Fauxwoke. Whenever someone uses partisan reasons to invalidate different perspectives, whenever someone uses religion to ridicule another's beliefs, whenever a stereotype is used in anyway, you can be sure Fauxwoke is nearby!

Smug condescension in any context is one of Fauxwoke’s signature moves. Always be on guard for pretentious preachers.

The Shitwit Without Shame LOVES twisting words to make people’s statements seem ridiculous, insensitive, or uninformed. The vile scum thinks this behavior appears “woke”.

The Ridiculous Rogue relies on an appearance of kindness and benevolence to maintain it’s facade of “wokeness". Passive-aggressive, sideways insults disguised as advice and encouragement are one of it’s favorite methods of attack. Always be on guard against it’s favorite form, "Fakenice."

However, Fakenice is just one its many disguises. Expect the pestilence to take many forms. The true sign of the the Dastardly Dimwit is when it says something incredibly ignorant while making the foolishness seem superficially superior.

If someone insults someone for their personal preferences based on matters of taste, that person is surely one who’s devoted their life completely to the Primitive Paintchugger. Music, TV, or any other pop culture are totally irrelevant. In any fanbase some people have relevant and intelligent things to say, and others are complete mongoloids. This is exactly the sort of superficial bullshit Fauxwoke uses to propagate itself.

Whenever someone acts as if spirituality negates science or vice versa, then prepare to battle the Pseudointellectual Phantom! The two concepts are meant to work in harmony, they’re not in conflict.

Whenever someone claims their subjective experience counts as irrefutable evidence for a dubious claim, you know you’ve seen the Spirit of All That's Stupid.

Whenever someone says that two paragraphs is too much to read, whenever someone uses a superficial detail to invalidate someone’s opinion, whenever somebody responds to a comment they’ve only skimmed without knowing exactly what was said, the culprit is the Creature Called Fauxwoke.

Even I’ve been taken by the Mindless Hivemind before, as ashamed as I am to admit it. When I mentioned lies being mixed with the truth during my psychoses, those deceptions came from the Usurper of Understanding.

Nobody’s safe from the Deceitful Dumbass. Always remain humble and consider that you may be wrong. If you consider yourself immune to its possession, that means the beast surely has you.

There’s no such thing as “Woke”.

Nobody will ever reach the mountaintop. True enlightenment is knowing you’ll never fully understand. Fauxwoke works by making you believe your search has come to an end, and deceiving you to make you stop asking questions.

Your search for answers will continue until your very last breath, and only then will you be “Woke”. Always look within yourself to root out the Animus of Asininity's corruption, for the vile creature will never stop trying to use you for it’s obnoxiously shallow amusement!

The fighting is ruthless, the fiend is tireless, and the war is endless but we must never stop fighting! If we lay down our arms and relent, even for a second, we can be sure all hope is lost.

Good luck comrades! May the spirits of Knowledge, Wisdom and Love guide you in your never ending battle against the the Insolent Imbecile!

David BarlettaComment